Aug 24, 2012 - Day # 17 - No room for dignity

Day 17: Long gone are the signs of my spunk, my zeal, the new novelty of it all, the "what's around the next corner" outlook. Today, I'm blah, blah, blah with a little not feel good thrown in for good measure. Last night, the pillow throne was arranged and rearranged upwards of four times and still her highness felt miserable. Some inconsolable pain at my drain sight and some abdominal cramping and weakness had the tears back. Being stuck in this house with five more days to go (if we are lucky and things go as planned) deflates me. I need a dinner out. I need a trip to the store to buy anything at all. I might would even settle for a ride in the car up and down the 20 ft driveway. I'm like an eager beagle sitting at the front door panting, pacing, jumping, scratching, waiting for his owner to get home for the afternoon run. Me, no jumping, just sitting instead. Deflated. Done. Over this. 

Transparency, right?

There's also no room for dignity in this process either. Everyone in this house has seen my every nook and cranny between sponge baths, showers, bandage revisions, and bathroom visits when I can't move my arms. A real good time for everyone involved. (Mom deserves an award.) Yesterday, after our drain mishap, mom and i worked myself into 4 different surgical vests/sports bras trying to find something comfortable around these four drains. Again, all while not being able to lift my arms. I can't even smell a hint of dignity. Not a puff or a poof or even a particle.

But.... I know there's always tomorrow. So there is a slight glimpse of positivity left. Everybody has a slump day to feel what you need to feel. Tomorrow, the ole Sally optimist will be back in full force. Surely.

Meanwhile, I'm craving Chili's chips and salsa. Maybe some homemade guacamole on the side. Wonder how Ron is with an avocado.