Day 10: It's been a long 24 hours. So I'm not sure I have much to give to this post today. I'm a little spent. I did get to spend the afternoon with Ron on a semi date which included a three hour nap, a slushy, and a movie with popcorn on the sofa. We went low key, but this Date was long over due. This is the first day we've had alone since surgery and my romance bucket was empty. You can only feel so romantic in my current state. Did I mention my mom went home for the weekend? It's weird not having her here. She's sort of become a staple in this journey. I love her more than I even did before, and I didn't think that possible. This journey had had so many ups and downs and surprises and knowns, but she had been constant. She and Ron are my earthly glue each playing a different role, but both very much needed. Plus, she makes some "slap you're momma" good black berry cobbler. And she knows when to buy a ticket to a good group cry.
I have big plans for the weekend, in my head any way. I have to live-it-up before the drains make their awful encore appearance. They sure do know how to ruin the mood. Anyway, In my plans for Saturday, in addition to finding Ron some new bedroom slippers (I know how to prioritize this task as his slippers are a huge fall risk the way they are coming apart at every seam and a fashion faux pas to boot since the stuffing is trailing behind at each step. This errand really equates to me sitting in the car while he runs in and out) I'm hopeful that I will feel up to going to church. I'm craving it. I need it. I want it. I need my reset button pushed, and I know God is bigger than my power surges and my frustration. He always has been, always will be. Of note, this would be my second public outing, but the first involving people I know. No promises though. Car rides are exhausting- trying to hold yourself together with every pot hole, bump, and turn. It's a major workout by the time you get to your destination. So there is that, but then earlier today when I woke from my nap I went to my mirror. That was probably silly of me and it's the first time I've really done that since this all started. Starring back at me was an exhausted oddly shaped pear with brownish blond hair I hardly recognized during my sleepy daze (but whom happened to have on very stylish pajamas might I add, thanks to my sister). The sight had me pondering about how strong am I? I'm strong enough to speak the speak of saying I'm not vain, and that I'm bigger than my current appearance. But can I walk that speak amongst my peers? It's actually very easy for me at a local slushy hut with people you will never see again. Or on my daily walk where the cars passing by have no faces. They know not your before, nor your after. Amongst my peers however, there stands some collateral damage. Some risk. Some judgment. But also some love. Some mercy. Some recognition that their flaws are the same as mine. And this new flaw of mine is no greater than my previous flaws. It's a new trait. A new story. A new testimony.
But you know what? My God loves pears! (I'd be lying if i didn't say I'm grateful it's a temporary appearance though, so let me put that out there). God chose this journey for me and if I hide in these four walls I am in control of that journey instead of allowing Him to be in control. Maybe he has huge plans for this pear. Or maybe He simply wants me to continue to remember the value of maintaining perspective and fully believing my "family" is bigger than my fear. I already know they are. They support me at every turn and I would do the same in return. God is bigger than my silly predicaments. And my predicaments are His vessel.
My weakness is still my flaw though as I will search through my closet tomorrow for an appropriate shirt, but I'm growing in faith all the same. Maybe that was the whole point.
My prayer requests tonight:
•That both Ron and I wake tomorrow refreshed. No doubt my emotions have been tough for him. He has so much going on right now.
•That my shower time is virtually non eventful. That sounds silly I know, but trust me, my mind is a little crazy.
•That I feel ready to tackle the day with minimal pain.
•That in my self awareness that I don't miss out on seeing God's blessings He promises to delivery each and every day.
•That vanity doesn't get the best of me.
That's a lot of requests, huh? Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Surgery scheduled bright and early Monday morning at 7:30. Arrival time of 5:30. I guess this surgeon doesn't need his beauty sleep. He is a plastic surgeon afterall- I'm sure he has some beauty tricks up his sleeve.
