This has been a challenging few weeks for me. It seems one thing after another rolls itself into my front door. I have a door knob lock. I have an additional dead bolt. I even have a glass door on the outside with its own latch and key. Yet muck seeps in under the door like a sly stealth spy to find me. I don’t even hear it coming, but BAMMM smack upside the head there it sits on my shoulder whispering not so sweet ridiculousness into my demeanor.
Last week Ron and I set out to celebrate a few milestones. I was hitting my 23rd anniversary of my lymphoma remission and simultaneously the 2 year mark following double mastectomy and the birth of Boob 1 and Boob 2 (now 2.2 after a quick switch out last year). We had arranged dinner out at a local restaurant that had this great outdoor patio setting. I got there a little early to scope it out and found a great little booth on the edge of the patio where we could get the cool breeze we have been having this unusual August. Ron arrives a few minutes later and we start the magnificent evening. Menus investigated, selections placed, and sit back and wait for the delights to arrive. Wait for it….wait for it… food arrives and immediately boxed right up as Sally decides she would like to add an emergency room visit to the festivities. What romantic dinner out is complete without a visit to your local ER? Nothing says celebration better than one eye in absolute acute pain (as in came in about a 2 minute span), tears and red goo streaming down your face. Slide out of the booth and into the bed gurney with grace and excitement. Diagnosis: something had flown into my eye from that amazing cool breeze –which we never discovered what- and scratched the surface of my eye and conjunctiva. Eye ointment, eye rest, and a boatload of money later and we are back at home with a deflated demeanor. The following morning, I felt worsening and headed back to the ophthalmologist to discover the eye was now infected and in need of $100+ of steroids and antibiotics (24 hours, 3 MD visits, and 3 pharmacy visits later). I was mad, I was cranky. I was feeling entitled. Best milestone celebration ever!
It became very obvious to me as we were going through the last few weeks of new “surprises” (upcoming imposter surgery for slipped boob, eye infection/abrasion, dishwasher failure leading to warped kitchen floors, foot MRI, house projects gone astray, etc), of how we as a culture allow every single tidbit of life that enters our orbit throw us off kilter no matter how trivial or how great. We are a culture of passive impact. Dropped spaghetti bowl can shoot us into major strife. An unexpected bill can catapult us into major collapse. The boss asking us to resubmit a form can lead to 3 hours of cubical complaining. We feel every single rivet of life with passion and intensity and at times have difficulty getting one foot in front of the other after a celebration dinner was interrupted.
I am feeling eager after some sharp perfectly timed conviction to step back and compare my warped 2’x2’ section of kitchen floor to walking out into a city park in Iraq and seeing the speared head of a 4 year old who was decapitated for religious beliefs. Or hearing the sirens across town at 3 a.m. knowing you have to get your family down to the bomb shelter in the next 5 minutes, but you can’t find little Sara who you know was brushing her teeth on the back stoop with bottled water only 5 minutes ago. Or the friend whose husband was handed a lymphoma relapse last week when all he was hoping for was a single stretch of 3 months year of normalcy without a visit to the MD. Kimberly is facing divorce. Tonya is wondering if her Marine husband has been found.
We are constantly comparing our body shapes. We live in a world of “her hair is just so much better”. We compare pay stubs to vacation houses and children’s honor rolls to soccer tournaments won. If we are so good at comparing the lively aspirations of life to each other, why do we not compare our assumed turmoil as well to see how ridiculous we can be at times? One look at national and international news quickly reminded me that my eye infection now almost healed is a “trouble” over half this planet would greatly trade in for without a single tear and instead shout a hoopla of winning the lottery.
Dear God, thank you for continual reminders of perspective. May I find my life so full of these riches you have already allowed me and these perceived “setbacks” a moment to show your grace and triumph. What can I turn into an opportunity to model goodness? Show me to be satisfied with little bumps in my day. What can I quit complaining about so that I have time to hear of and help someone else walk through their real life events? May the joy that comes with a life so richly blessed trump all trivial circumstance. Focus me to understand the true word of “trouble”.
John 16:33 - "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
