June 9: Deep sigh. Deep, deep, deep sigh. I’m grateful, oh so very grateful in all circumstances, but boy oh boy is this one giving me a gut check of walking the walk! I can hands down say this had been the longest 10 months I ever recall having. God has been there at every turn. I see that on so many levels. Likewise, my challenges made themself evident. It wasn’t one thing or another, it was the whole big bucket all lumped together. I can only imagine what this year would have resulted in had He not proven himself time and time again thus allowing me to claim His will be done in even these 10 months. Deep sigh. Deep, deep, deep sigh.
Friday, I was leaving work on the late side and was walking back through the buildings to the garage. I didn’t see a soul for many minutes on end. The outpatient hallways carry an eerie demeanor in the evenings. The day times are filled with a hustle and bustle as comes with a trauma center of this magnitude, but after hours in the clinic areas it’s like a ghost town. So there I walked reflecting back on the day and week lost in thought as I meandered through the tunnels. I turned a corner to transition buildings and look up to see Lead Plastic Surgeon coming my way. This was a first. I have yet to run into him or anyone else on my care team outside of an official visit setting. This is a benefit that comes with working in a building of such size, anonymity. But not today. I think he was just as surprised to see me as I him. I’m scheduled to have an appointment with him this coming week. Hopefully, my last! Good riddance! Not that I don’t thoroughly enjoy a good impromptu show and tell (I don’t!) but I am beyond ready to be boob appointment free. It’s been 7 weeks since the last antibiotic infusion, 10 weeks since the last surgery. I’m ready to be done. Imposter 2.2 is coming along nicely! It’s at home and well loved, but I want to find my way back to this being my past instead of my current. I want to not have to juggle this against that. We always want greener grass, don’t we? Sometimes we seem entitled to greener grass. How dare we? Why do we do that? (There is some noteworthy greener grass: I still can’t believe I have escaped mammograms for the rest of my life. Score 1 for Sally, Score 0 for mean ole boob presser)
After initial greetings of such I asked if this chance encounter could count as the last appointment. He replied “see you next week.” You can’t blame a gal for trying. I am a grateful. And also grateful to move to another pasture. Or at least ready to incorporate it into who I am and focus on something entirely different for a bit. Mental note: reminder to ask for a new implant ID card when we meet next week. I don’t think 2.2 was ever documented in a card and given to me. Must rectify that for my hallway implant shadow box display. Gotta be prepared for that recall! I’d hate to be walking around with a recalled implant and not even know it. Embarrassing and a definite fashion faux pas!
It’s interesting how now that the swelling of boob 1 and 2.2 has diminished, you can see (well, I can see) just how different these things are from month to month. And 2.2 is not an identical ancestor of 2 as one might would have expected. Shouldn’t all Smooth Round High Profile Gel implants all be the same? Maybe they are, but their positioning certainly is not. Dare I say there is a little lopsidedness? What, too much information? It’s comical really. I wouldn’t really notice except boob 1 is so perfectly placed. Boob 2.2 however, not so much and it gives me a little chuckle. Dare to say you would never notice, but me, I notice and it makes me chuckle. Why would I not laugh? Somehow I ended up with implants. The irony of that is not lost on me at all and therefore I am able to see some humor in its placement. A lopsided boob. It’s a bit endearing on some levels much like a birthmark that you couldn’t dare part with. Lopsided is the new thing. It provided Boob 2.2 with some personality. Makes it seem a little less fake. Or maybe it seems even more fake? Now I’m picturing each of you the next time we meet trying to detect the imperfection. That too makes me chuckle.
I’m a stronger woman for this journey. Collateral benefit I suppose. I could name all of the ways. I SHOULD name all of the ways. I will name all of the ways…one day. For now, deep sigh. Deep, deep, deep sigh while basking in His grace and promise to work all things together for His purpose. I have no doubt the purpose is great and one day I hope to be privy to that. I already see some great and I hope there is more to come if not for me, then for you. Great is His faithfulness. Trying to make equally as great MY faithfulness.
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