Aug 20, 2012 - Cards!
My friend, Kristi, and her friends, all of whom I have not met, decided to flood my mail box with get well cards. And I adored it! My mantle and my heart over floweth!
Aug 20, 2012 - Day # 13 - Reconstruction surgery update / Phase 1 over
Day 13 short update:
On the way out the door, Ron kept mentioning all these things that weren't up yet (it was 4 in the morning mind you and not my usual get up time) including Mike Wellis, the DJ on wqdr 94.7. I added a few items myself. Then, I saw all the cars moving in tandem with us on the interstate. There were some other crazy people out here! Let's just hope my surgeon is up and having the best cup of coffee he's ever had and reading the news paper for a low key low stress kind of morning. I obviously wanted him in a good place.
Surgery was successful from the surgeon's perspective on all accounts except it lasted a lot longer than he expected. He was guessing 2 hours and it was close to 5. He did promise his best work afterall and he knew I would hold him to that. I think he was just trying to be super careful and thoughtful with his decision making to give me the best outcome with all the risks I have from the radiation. I am thinking however that Ron was probably nervous during the extra 3 hours of wait.
From my perspective, the great news is I got to skip the expanders and go straight to implants! Delighted! Delighted! Delighted! He said he would have to decide once he made the incision and got everything open in front of him. His boob analysis resulted in implant placement. One who step I got to skip. How is that not a score?
The few downsides include:
1) I got 4 stinking drains this go round instead of 2 and they will be in at least a week if not two. Wasn't expecting that. He said he wanted to get rid of as much fluid as possible to give me the best chances for success long term. I now know why he was so hush hush the morning of surgery when I asked him about the drains. He knew I hated them, and he knew I would be giving grief if he had let on in advance about this 2 fold increase in drains.
2) He doesn't want me to do my daily walk anymore while the drains are in. This made me super sad because this got me out of the house and I absolutely loved it. But let's face it, it's August. The dead of summer in NC bring moist heat. Moist heat = seating = bad for the incisions = Sally now on house arrest = not so happy Sally. His words "keep on hand on the house!"
3) Lots of restrictions and activity limitations with this surgery. So I should probably buy mom a cute French maid's outfit and Ron an English butler. I shall not lift a finger. And the best news to me: Phase One of this journey which gave me such awful mental challenges is OVER (see previous posts)! Maybe no more tears!!! Maybe. I now have boobs again. Who knew I would hold them so dear?
Hands down, Good continues to hear your prayers. He is blessing me beyond all expectations in this journey and reminding me he never promised a easy life, but a life that shines with his glory in all circumstances. We still have a long haul, but we are trucking along at a pleasant speed. More tomorrow when I'm not so tired.
Surgery was successful from the surgeon's perspective on all accounts except it lasted a lot longer than he expected. He was guessing 2 hours and it was close to 5. He did promise his best work afterall and he knew I would hold him to that. I think he was just trying to be super careful and thoughtful with his decision making to give me the best outcome with all the risks I have from the radiation. I am thinking however that Ron was probably nervous during the extra 3 hours of wait.
From my perspective, the great news is I got to skip the expanders and go straight to implants! Delighted! Delighted! Delighted! He said he would have to decide once he made the incision and got everything open in front of him. His boob analysis resulted in implant placement. One who step I got to skip. How is that not a score?
The few downsides include:
1) I got 4 stinking drains this go round instead of 2 and they will be in at least a week if not two. Wasn't expecting that. He said he wanted to get rid of as much fluid as possible to give me the best chances for success long term. I now know why he was so hush hush the morning of surgery when I asked him about the drains. He knew I hated them, and he knew I would be giving grief if he had let on in advance about this 2 fold increase in drains.
2) He doesn't want me to do my daily walk anymore while the drains are in. This made me super sad because this got me out of the house and I absolutely loved it. But let's face it, it's August. The dead of summer in NC bring moist heat. Moist heat = seating = bad for the incisions = Sally now on house arrest = not so happy Sally. His words "keep on hand on the house!"
3) Lots of restrictions and activity limitations with this surgery. So I should probably buy mom a cute French maid's outfit and Ron an English butler. I shall not lift a finger. And the best news to me: Phase One of this journey which gave me such awful mental challenges is OVER (see previous posts)! Maybe no more tears!!! Maybe. I now have boobs again. Who knew I would hold them so dear?
Hands down, Good continues to hear your prayers. He is blessing me beyond all expectations in this journey and reminding me he never promised a easy life, but a life that shines with his glory in all circumstances. We still have a long haul, but we are trucking along at a pleasant speed. More tomorrow when I'm not so tired.
Aug 19, 2012 - Day # 12 - See ya on the other side (night before recon)
Day 12: God is smiling on me today. I woke up to the most glorious rain! Anybody that even remotely knows me knows I adore rain, and lots of it. What a great sound to wake up to.
As I was laying in the floor this morning with Ron listening to the rain... (background: in the middle of the night my back was killing me in bed. It's really not fun for a side sleeper to be restricted to four weeks of
back sleeping. So I gathered up my necessities and made my way down to the floor at the foot of my bed and the next thing I know, here comes Ron with his pillow and a tiny little throw blanket. Well that got me chuckling and I just could not stop laughing when I looked down and saw his long feet sticking out the end of the too small blanket. I haven't laughed like that in weeks and believe me it was a triumph cause it is near impossible to laugh these days with this chest scars. But how devoted is he that he left our comfy king sized bed to climb in the floor with me. Precious!)
Anyway, as I was laying in the floor I started thinking about the yin and the yang of tomorrow's surgery. I am absolutely delighted, ecstatic, emotionally committed to getting out of this current state of the past 12 days. It's been painful, it's been emotionally challenging, and it's really tested my character and my faith. I failed in a couple of those areas, but I pick my straps up and move on. Let's face it, it's tough for any woman to go from something relatively fine to something banged up, awful to look at, painful and scarred. This is something I just didn't understand 2 months ago. (So this is also something I've gained. More empathy.) I'm super grateful to be getting that piece of me back, even if it is an fabricated knock off version of the before. I'll take it to feel some sense of normalcy again in that area.
However, here comes the yang. Again, don't get me wrong. I'm so blessed God gave me options for reconstruction. I know there are women out there who don't have this option. Either for further therapy or lack of financial means or what not. Those women have my devotion. Bless them for their journey. But I'm not excited about having to go through the next phase. So as I lie in the floor, I'm thinking the miserable thoughts us humans get caught up in. The drains are coming back in less than 24 hours! The pain is going to multiply by hundreds. The scars are going to be opened back up. Restriction! Instead of focusing on God's provision and grace of actually having the ability to get reconstruction, my mind first goes to the inconvenience of what lies ahead.
I wish I could have first thought of the blessings. Maybe, in some ways I did as I've been trying to find all the silver linings as I go, but I need to continue to fight the self pity we so often allow to creep into our predicaments and journeys. I want to get to a place in all my journeys where I allow myself a moment to grieve, to struggle, to feel, but then push that aside to grow.
This journey shall water me. I will be different on the other side, but I will be better. I will be closer to my spouse and family and closer to many of you. I will be better able to relate to women across the globe who embrace a mastectomy. My medical practice will be better. My prayer life stronger, as will be that of yours. God always has something up his sleeve. It may be pain and struggle for some which results in glory and triumph in that same life or the life of others down the road. There is purpose. In the mean time, I'm nervous about tomorrow morning and the next few weeks. Please let the pain control be better this time around. Please let the drains be my friend. Please let the surgeon do his best work ever (he promised me he would). Smile. Please don't let my body reject the implant down the road.... And let God's glory prevail. See ya on the other side!
However, here comes the yang. Again, don't get me wrong. I'm so blessed God gave me options for reconstruction. I know there are women out there who don't have this option. Either for further therapy or lack of financial means or what not. Those women have my devotion. Bless them for their journey. But I'm not excited about having to go through the next phase. So as I lie in the floor, I'm thinking the miserable thoughts us humans get caught up in. The drains are coming back in less than 24 hours! The pain is going to multiply by hundreds. The scars are going to be opened back up. Restriction! Instead of focusing on God's provision and grace of actually having the ability to get reconstruction, my mind first goes to the inconvenience of what lies ahead.
I wish I could have first thought of the blessings. Maybe, in some ways I did as I've been trying to find all the silver linings as I go, but I need to continue to fight the self pity we so often allow to creep into our predicaments and journeys. I want to get to a place in all my journeys where I allow myself a moment to grieve, to struggle, to feel, but then push that aside to grow.
This journey shall water me. I will be different on the other side, but I will be better. I will be closer to my spouse and family and closer to many of you. I will be better able to relate to women across the globe who embrace a mastectomy. My medical practice will be better. My prayer life stronger, as will be that of yours. God always has something up his sleeve. It may be pain and struggle for some which results in glory and triumph in that same life or the life of others down the road. There is purpose. In the mean time, I'm nervous about tomorrow morning and the next few weeks. Please let the pain control be better this time around. Please let the drains be my friend. Please let the surgeon do his best work ever (he promised me he would). Smile. Please don't let my body reject the implant down the road.... And let God's glory prevail. See ya on the other side!
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