Day 30: Have I mentioned before that I have an Implant ID Card I'm supposed to safe guard? Bet you didn't know that. Seriously, I have an ID card that presents all the "stats" of my wonderful new impostors.
Side A:
Patient Name: Sally McCollum
Date of surgery: 8/20/12
Doctor's Name: Lead Plastic Surgeon (name changed to protect the guilty)
Breast Implant Size: 800 grams
Final Fill volume
Side B:
Implant ID Card- This device is a tracked device
Left: Smooth Round High Profile Gel (High profile makes me giggle. And they are anything BUT smooth!)
Lot #: XXXXX
Right: Smooth Round High Profile Gel
Lot #: XXXXX
This strikes me as hysterical. What exactly am I supposed to do with this Implant ID card???
"Hello, Officer. I'm sorry I was speeding. Here's my implant ID card and my official car registration." Insert big grin and hope for the best? Or maybe it's like tthis. Cashier: "That will be $42.37 for the bra and matching panty." and then Me: "Do you offer discounts to implant ID card holders?"
So here it sits on my table with me wondering what in the world am I to do with it. I could frame it and mount it in the hallway for all to see. Card on the left, up close picture of impostors on the right. All highlighted with focused frame lighting. Would you enjoy that as your house decor? These implants are high profile after all. They deserve some sort of in-your-face placement. Rolling my eyes. After further investigation I find out implants are considered "devices" and tracked by the FDA in case of a recall. Recall! Can't you imagine how that would play out. I wonder if they call you and say they are shipping news ones in the mail to arrive on Friday. In the box you find a shipping return label to send back the recalled boobs. They better provide free shipping! Or maybe I show up at Lead Plastic Surgeon's office for an exchange. All these ladies lined up with Smooth High Profile Implants Lot # XXXXX waiting for their switch out. Kind of hope there is a recall just so I can see how that unfolds.
And did I mention that this isn't a one time fit all kind of Implant? Lead Plastic Surgeon said I am going to need to make modifications as time goes on. To which I asked what time frame are you talk about? 20 yrs? 30 yrs? "Sally, more like 1 or 2 yrs. And initially maybe in a few weeks or months."
