Last time, it was while in the dreaded stirrups (stirrup saga posted here). This time while getting a cardiac echo. This week, I am smack in the middle of all the testing I need to complete as followup to my lymphoma treatment from 24 yr previous. I might be slightly behind schedule, but I get points for doing it all the same. Last week, my pulmonary tests showed I was developing some radiation-induced fibrosis (think of scars forming in the lungs which leads to lung volume loss), so now it was time to look at the heart to see if there was any collateral damage. The sweetest technician ever (I keep running into great people on this journey!) was applying the gel to the probe and running it up the length of my sternum. Then under the breast. Then back again. About 3 or 4 minutes in, "Um, Ms. McCollum, I don't want to be overly personal, but is there any chance you have breast implants?" Me, letting out a chuckle, "Yeah, let me guess, you are having trouble seeing the heart." She pulls the monitor over to me where I can see the black blob on the screen instead of the heart valves which were our intended subject. Never a dull moment I tell ya. So we regrouped. Injected an agent to make visibility better and started again. Who knew I was to divulge my implants for a heart appointment? I think I will just put it out there front and center at my colonoscopy. "Mam, just in case you need to know while looking at my colon...I have breast implants". Ladies, you just never know.
I had written this summer how it's not about being a survivor of malignancy, it's more about surviving malignancy. I'm 24 years out from my lymphoma and it never really is a thing of the past. I'm in the middle of pulmonary testing, same with cardiac testing, just completed dermatology, post mastectomy surgical followup this month, and will start gastrointestinal stuff in January. It can mentally weight you down, these initial appointments back to back, but then they are behind you and what is unknown will be known and you move forward with information in tow. Surviving. That's what we do and will do from here on out. Simply put, all of these workups happening simultaneously makes life feel a little busy.
Which leads me to the the pending house sale. Oh mercy lou! While I still feel peaceful and know this is the path we are to take, it certainly doesn't help the to-do list. We got delayed a week when the contractor doing one repair needed to come a week later than we anticipated. So instead of listing this week, we will list the house next week. And you ask yourself "do you have somewhere to live"? Plain and simple - No. I will not stress out about that. I will not stress out about that. I will not stress out about that! (Ok, so maybe one or two nights this week I woke up at 0 dark thirty in a tad of a panic, but the daylight hours are perfectly fine. So no need to worry!) When God calls, he provides. We know we will live somewhere close to where we live now and that it will present itself when the time is right. I am a little more comforted after looking this week (distressing when looking last week) at some houses online that fall within our budget. There most certainly will be some compromise ( I will miss my ranch floor plan with my master on the main level, but alas...first world problems), but no doubt there will come some delight. I've always found my current kitchen cabinets, while beautiful, not to my taste. See, I'm vain. It's always the unknown that brings about turmoil huh? Well, the known is always do-able when it finally comes about. So far every thing we have visited, we have ruled out. But no worries. There is plenty of time (right?). My mother may or may not have told me I could not move in with her. I'm fairly sure she may have been joking?!?! Maybe.
What a testament this will be when all is said and done....if I can keep myself from derailing the whole thing. Not a testament to myself, but a statement of what God can do when you walk by faith. Ok, or maybe a testament to myself in how humans can be so stupid with worry. I may hyperventilate along the way here and there, but I can't wait to look back and see how Ron and I grew in this moment. We've never walked blindly into something before. It's certainly not where we are gifted - us Type A Planners who even plan out how we will make a plan. And I am sure we will be collecting some "lessons learned" along the way. Like this week when God took away the very house we were quite sure would be The One". Or how waiting for joint peace between us before making this decision brought us better selling perks than we would have had last spring when peace had not yet set in.
The story is still unfolding. You guys remember that my well-being heavily relies on planned instant gratification, right? He sure knows how to overcome a weakness.
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