December 30, 2016 - Anything you want it to be

Mom said I deserve good news. She's precious like that. She really is my best cheerleader. She consistently follows, and comments, and checks in. If there is an appointment to be had, she is texting me that morning with reminders to let her know as soon as I get out. If I am awaiting a result, she sits on the edges of her own chair in wait as well. If a post is made here on these pages, she is responding. So when I texted her from the clinic office chair, that was her reply: "You deserve good news!". And good news is what I got.

I went back to that clinic (lung transplant) earlier this week for those followup test, and low and behold if I didn't out score myself. I dare not say valedictorian, because you would outscore me, but I did outscore myself. I am keeping a chart of my 9 or so "symptoms" and charting along the months of "worsening" or "improving". Ron and I had noticed a few categories of improvements, if not all together resolution (mainly shortness of breath when crossing a room, yes, it had gotten that point a year ago back when we have the fibrosis diagnosis), this past summer so we were intrigued to see what this round of testing would show. Well, as I said, low and behold, I had a 30% improvement in my obstructive lung function almost back to a normal lung. I still have the very bothersome (to me) symptoms of a reactive airway when climbing hills or even one flight of stairs and have absolutely no reserve during a respiratory infection, but no longer have symptoms when crossing a room or even changing clothes. We have some thoughts as to why this might be the case (6 chest surgeries back to back and multiple anesthesia exposures), but the lung test are corresponding with the symptom resolutions. Hallelujah! And you know what else!?! This definitely seals the deal on radiation induced fibrosis instead of idiopathic fibrosis (had it been idiopathic, the tests would be worse a year later). So you can see why I have utter delight here. I haven't spoken directly to Lung Guru as she is out of the office this week, but we discussed these options prior to taking the tests and will discuss again in greater detail with her next week. We will be switching around some medications to help my lungs get greater reserve during infection and to help me out in winter months and in the mornings (mornings are super hard for me), and see how it goes after 3 months. All in all, I am super delight. And I mean super delighted. See, good news. And now I feel like Fibrosis can fade into my back ground a bit with better assurance that idiopathic is truly off the table. I felt sure this was the case, but it is nice having these improved lung tests as tangible data. We all like proof, don't we? Radiation induced fibrosis, we can now be friends.

This weekend we are flipping into a new year. I've never been one for new year's resolutions. I always found it strange to wait until the end of the year to set new goals. I always found it more reassuring to immediately set the goal as soon as I found the need to have one. That's my "immediate gratification" coming out I guess. I've never been one to procrastinate. Why wait to the new year? But this year in particular (call it being in my forties and better in tune with what life is all about) I do see the value of looking back over the past year and taking "stock" per se. What went well? What didn't go well? Maybe that is what New Years resolutions is really all about and I have simply misunderstood it all these years. Everyone is on this kick about how horrible 2016 has been. There have been some crazy lows for humanity as a whole. I get it, but I really want to dive into the year, and for myself anyway, pick out the highs of the year. I don't want 2016 to go down in the books as a year where humanity rolled over on itself and also tried to wrap me up into a label. And I don't want 2016 to go down as the year where I almost rolled over on myself. (A little drastic, I really loved most about this year. I'm built that way).

For me, 2016 became my "Be Still" year, thanks to the last couple of months, but it's also a year where I learned a lot about humanity. I learned what value I place on other people and how much of my worth hinges on in their perspective of me. I also discovered that people in return also determine a value of me and you never know what that is based on. It was a year where I had to reach far to put my faith in God above my faith in man. I had to put my talk to the test and my walk to the test as well. I was able to prove to myself that standing firm takes far more guts than I ever thought it would and freedom to live and freedom to choose does in fact come at a cost. Words I've heard uttered my entire life now have meaning to me, not because I read them in a book, but because I tested them by standing firm in my belief and endured the outcome. This year has been propelling. It's pushed my limits. It's tested my gut. And it's created an output. Sally is more resilient. Sally is more steadfast. Sally is more faithful. Sally is more thoughtful. Sally is more introspective. Sally is more aware. Sally is more purposeful in relationships. Sally is more easily delighted. Sally is more comfortable in her own skin. Sally is more easily heartbroken by your pain. Sally is not going to be labeled. Sally is seeking out truth through gospel lenses. Sally is not a better person than the person next to her, Sally is simply better than the Sally she was before.  It's not a new year's resolution. It's a past year's summation. We are to leave monuments along the way of what God is doing in our lives. Later we will look back as reminders of where He met of where we were, and when we had nothing left to give, He took us the rest of the way. This monument is rather about finding courage through the Holy Spirit to step out in Faith knowing that He calls us to stand firm even when it feels like you might be standing alone.

You see, 2016 is anything you want it to be. It's up to you. You get to choose. It (and any other year) can be the worst year ever. Or it can be another year of monuments. It even can be a great year if perspective allows it. That's the difference in being a victim or a life changer.  I'm finding the good in 2016 starting with what is happening in me. And 2017, I'm all over you.




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