Aug 23, 2012 - Day # 16 - Fight or Flight

Day 16: We've had a morning. Mom deserves dinner at the Angus barn. I deserve....something. Wow, oh wow. Fight or flight! All hands on deck! 911????

I've been sleeping pretty late in the mornings. Blame that on my watching movies at night, and I must say I've become accustomed to it. Kind of the highlight of the day for me with Ron, mom and myself all together. Remember, I can't go anywhere yet, so I look for entertainment anywhere I can. 

Back to the story, This morning, when I woke at 10:30 (shameless), i felt sticky stuff running from my armpit down to my wrist. A glance over and I see it's blood. It's on my pillow throne, the sheets, the left side of my shirt. Pooling on the bed. Yell out to mom for help and we went into emergency mode. (Ron was at work in a meeting and i couldn't reach him). We had to somehow get everything off to see what was what. And believe me that is a feat in itself trying to get all this stuff off without raising my arms and both of us feeling frantic on the inside but trying to be calm on the outside. I became the medical teacher and she the student her describing what she sees, me instructing her, since I can't see my side at all. Looks like one of the drains had pulled, and I had been oozing all night from the insertion sight. Ron had noticed that same drain had oozed some during my first shower last night so maybe that was the start 12 hours before. Get the surgeon on the phone. Describe what we are seeing. Walks me through repairing it. Tape this, gauze that. (insert about 2 hours time here). Exhausted! We are both still amazed at our morning. Picture the black and white movies from the 30s where people appear to be running in super fast motion.

What a scare. And how weird to look down and see all that blood knowing you can't move enough to fix anything yourself. Felt sort of helpless. (I left out all the hyperventilating occurring on my end).

I need to get back to my hospital clinic. I need to get back to my day job. Where I can function with great rationalization and calm. I'm a much better clinician than patient. This, I know.

Mom's going to have to stay a lot longer than we thought. I truly can't be left alone after this morning. The story could have been way crazier if she had not been here.

Silver lining....now I know what they look like. We could talk allot here, but I will spare you out of respect. I will add it's sort of like having a phantom arm. You see it, but you can't feel it. And what you can feel is now super sore. Messes with your mind a good bit. I read the surgical report. Lots of good comedy there (we will talk in person about that) but tons of tissue manipulation including pulling back the pectoral muscle. No wonder this hurts.

Prayer request: we have one side that is looking a little bluish so we are worried about good blood flow now (see previous post about risks and possible skin graft). The last thing we want is a set back this late in the game. Please pray this improves and doesn't result in skin loss.