Aug 12, 2012 - Day # 5 - My brand new Lazyboy

Day #5. The great news is I am sleeping really well at night. A miracle in itself if you could see the positions I have to put myself in to relieve the pain. It's comical on absolutely every level, except for maybe Ron's level who has to get me settled each night. I got 10 hours last night. Praises. It seems impossible, really, but it happened.

 Yesterday, was all about massive edema in my legs so Ron sat on the bed in front of me so I could prop my legs up on his head (yes, his head) to let the fluid drain down. He basically became my lazyboy and I just sat there laughing at the absurdity of it while peering over the top of his head to see the TV show. Really, who else but Ron would do that for someone. He literally sat there and watched TV with me with another human being's legs on top of his head and shoulders. And when I say it was hysterical (if you can get past the pitiful), I mean absolutely laugh down to your gut hysterical.

The pain from the edema is a little better this morning. Really, I thought the pain in general would be less by now, but so far each day is the same as the day before despite my narcotics. Have I mentioned I'm ready for the drains to be out? Please don't miss out on that revelation. My emotional state is improving a tad as well. Each day it is a little easier to look inside the bandage and see a chest wall that is not only flat, but actually concave and scarred. It's an enveloped mash up of skin and glue (the surgeon used glue to close the incision so it could be reopened again for reconstruction starting in a few days). This smashed up mush of what used to be a boob will freak someone out after a lifetime of seeing something very different. I didn't realize just how much these two flabs of skin affected your self view. If you had asked me about that perspective 2 months ago I would have said you were crazy. I would have been wrong.

God is growing empathy in me and giving me a view into a population I haven't been exposed to before, those blessed women of mastectomy. I'm learning that scars of mastectomy are way better than the alternative statistics. What was a 90% chance of breast cancer last week is now less than 5%. Peace of mind in the long run if we can get through the emotional and physical scars of the next six weeks. God isn't finished with me yet. He has great plans (this included) and I'm meeting amazing people along the way. And I'm finding a new side to my husband that trumps every man I've ever met. "Time to empty the drains" he says with a huge smile on his face as he watches the tears stream down mine. He has to suffer another day through my tears. I get to be blessed through his servent spirit. I love him so.

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