August 3, 2015 - Pencils sharpened

She emailed me today, asking me to call her when I get a chance. As soon as I saw the sender, I knew what it was about. I’ve hit the 2 day window before surgery. Somehow seven months have passed and now here I sit with Thursday morning staring me in the face. I waited to call her back. I pushed it off on purpose. I wanted a few more minutes of not having the discussion. I was controlling the situation. I’m admittedly bad about doing that.  

You need to shower the night before and the morning of surgery. You are first case, so you need to arrive early. No makeup, no deodorant, no hair product, just come fresh from the shower. He will be taking the implant out on the right side and removing scar tissue then replacing the implant and placing drains and stitches. He will tell you all of this again the morning of. After surgery you will wake up in a surgical vest. Keep the surgical vest on for 48 hours. Keep the fluff in place and just let it be. Every 8-12 hours empty the drain and record the volume. Your goal should be less than 30 ml in 24 hours. The drainage volume should decrease and the color should become lighter with less clots with each passing day.  If volume increases, call us. Forty eight hours later, take off the vest and inspect the incision sites. Remove the bandages, if there is significant redness, call us. If redness grows after that time point call us. You can start to shower after 2 days, no scrubbing the site, just let water flow over it. Do not let water touch the drain insertion site, keep that bandage in place until the drains come out. Come back a week later and we will see if we can remove the stitches and take out the drain. No lifting until further notice. (And I quote) “Keep your arms pterodactyl style.” (And I just now learned how to spell pterodactyl!) Stay in a sports bra 24 hours a day for the next month. Don’t forget to bring a picture ID when you check in.  (By the way, why in the world would that be needed? Would someone really sneak in and try to change places with me for this specific surgery? Just saying. If you would, give me a call.)

I called her back. This was her instruction. All of which I could have stated verbatim. I am a pro now. But it was refreshing to know I didn’t have to rely on my memory. But the phone call also made it totally real.  Not even 12 hours later, the phone rings again. Anesthesia screening. Yep, it’s really happening. They certainly won’t let me forget it.

It’s that feeling you get when you were sharpening your pencils before the SAT exam in highschool. That is almost exactly what it feels like in this time period leading up. Your stomach drops and you feel the underlying nausea, and your heart rate isn’t exactly at baseline. There is nothing you can do but go in and sit down at the desk. It’s simple awareness of what it is. It’s not fear for me; it’s dread. God’s will supersedes my own, so I fear not the outcome, but I certainly don’t want the recovery time.

I still have laundry to do, bed sheets to change, clean towels to hang and meals to prep and freeze, but I’ve already done a lot to make every day moments a tad more manageable in the healing period. And what I have neglected to accomplish, Ron will step in to complete the task in real time. He’s good like that.


Thursday morning 7:30.  My pencils are sharpened. Now, I just need to sit down in the desk. 

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