April 9, 2015 - The Big D

I had set a calendar reminder. I'm very guilty of doing the things "experts" suggest I don't. I use my email inbox as a to do list and have such great satisfaction in clicking "delete" after I finish a task. "Write orders for admission". Delete! Great satisfaction. Jovial delight. And for things that are not a specific time/date dependent, I send myself an email with the task in the subject line. "Send thank you note for the gift". Delete!  I'm not afraid to admit it's kind of a highlight of my work day. Delete! Sheer excitement with a matching grin across my face. "Pack for trip". Delete!  It's the Big D word that propels my day into greatness. (And I don't agree with the email experts of the world - us type A folks need this structure for sanity.)

The calendar reminder popped up on my screen and read "Contact Surgeon to confirm surgery date". I had no trouble with this task. Open up my email box. New message. Draft the question "Greetings! You had asked me to touch base with you in April and confirm the surgical date we had set for August. Is this still a go?" Sign and send. Open calendar reminder. Delete! One more thing off the to-do list for this week. And move on to item number 4 of the day "Print documents for meeting".  Delete! The Big D word was working quite well for me today and I was on a roll!
This day is certainly a success! Flash in the lower right hand of my computer screen - incoming mail.

Hi Sally:

Just confirmed his summer plans last week.

He is here and the time is available on Thursday August 6^th. 

The surgery will be at the same location with a drain tube that will likely come out the following Wednesday 8/12.

Did you see it? There it sits. Yep, right there on the screen to where now all the other words are now without meaning and obsolete. 

Hi Sally:

Just confirmed his summer plans last week.

He is here and the time is available on Thursday August 6^th.

The surgery will be at the same location with a DRAIN tube that will likely come out the following Wednesday 8/12.

The other Big D word. The MOST IMPORTANT D word that I know ever since August 7, 2012. The D word I thought I would never have to embrace again. The D word that didn't come up when we discussed plans for this upcoming surgery.  Mercy me, there it is right smack dab in the email staring me in the face without any room for
Deniability. Reply:

That all sounds terrific (minus the drain! But I totally want to have a drain if that is the best outcome). Thank you as always. This will be the last one. I'm sure of it, so i can do a drain one more time....my mental pep talk.
Sally

Hit send. DELETE! This time a tad less satisfactory and now questioning whether this email calender reminder is such a great thing after all. No reminder = no checking in = living oblivious to the Detail. Defeated, Deflated, Disgusted, Dreading, Down-right Dog-gone Down. I had a lot of new Big D words crossing my mind at that moment to surround the true Big D word in a crushing Disdain.

I will pull myself together in Delight again next week. This week, Disgruntled.  I allow myself 72 hours to mourn this Drain. Then I refuse to think of it again! Disclaimer: I realize it will sit there just under the surface. Dread it; loathe it.