Aug 13, 2012 - Day # 6 - One little drain, so much pain.

Day 6: It's worth stating how different each day can be from the day before and likewise how exactly the same it can be. One never knows where or what when you wake up that morning. I can say I can very easily see where a woman could fall into a state of depression during mastectomy recovery. There is a lott of confinement with vests and drains, repetition of tasks on the hour, lack of social interactions, medication induced emotions. Then there are just the physical changes that lead to a less than perky attitude. Surrounding yourself with pick me up activities and positive people is a must. (Hence my obsession with Anne Of Green Gables movies this week. She's a kindred spirit indeed).

And one must not forget the caregiver who has so much on their plate. Empty drains every few hours, get you to the bathroom, do sponge baths, cook this, grab that, suffer through my emotions, roll me over to put pillows here...on and on. Some comic relief is I slept surrounded by 14 pillows at last count. Pitiful really, but you do what you have to do. I called my mom back in to help out this week so the amazing Ron could have a day or two where he didn't have to be so amazing. Plus, I'm dreading Wednesday (my next appointment), so I want all hands on deck!

We had a great walk last night. The distance was extremely short -you should see my shuffle. I look as though I've aged 70 years. All hunched over watching my feet and walking stiff to try and hold everything in place. Any little movement can send shooting pains that take your breath away. Regardless, the walk is worth it on all accounts. Socialization, blood flow, seeing something other than these four walls. And watching the dog walkers. A pooch can lighten any spirits. Almost.

Last night, I broke down. So frustrated as to why I was still in so much pain and limited in mobility. Mom quickly reminded me of all that had been done to my chest wall just six days ago. Anyone would still be in pain. I'm an over achiever and since I don't see a lot of progress in that area, it frustrates me. I have a very lengthy tube all coiled up in my chest wall. It's sucking out all fluid. It's not supposed to be there in every day life. Of course it would be painful. Oh to get rid of that not so little tube which causes me so much woe!

 My big concerns today: dreading the actual removal of the drains on Wednesday. Dreading the appointment all together for the poking and prodding. Dreading Monday for surgery #2 to start reconstruction. It should be much easier this go round by far, but still just ready to be done with this stage of having a concave boob-less chest. It certainly unfolded way differently than I had anticipated. But God has His plans and He has His provisions. He teaches me in my despair and grows me through our conversations. Baby steps still get you to the finish line.


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