Whew! Looks like we made it! (Anyone else hearing Barry Manilow in your mind? No?) We have come through Ron's rotator cuff surgery and a house move alive, intact, and still speaking to each other. I won't lie, it has been a few months for the books. You know it is rough when you have to call in reinforcements to do an emergency clean of my bathrooms (and kitchen and floors!) so it will be ready in time for Ron coming home the day after surgery. I have never once asked someone to help me clean. The proof is in that pudding of just how out of sorts I was.We got in bed at almost 2 the night before, but we did it. Well, we did enough. It's been a week since surgery, and things are looking up. From a surgery perspective it couldn't have gone better - now just getting through the 8 weeks of a sling, twice a week physical therapy appointments, and Sally being Ron's chauffeur for 3 weeks. (Serenity now!) And being in surgery mode keeps us from doing the "bonus" stuff around the house. But I don't care one bit. I need this downtime. We got the "must haves" done, so bonus stuff....you can wait until Spring.
It was strange being there with Ron in the same building where I had my mastectomy. In fact, we had the same cubical for post op recovery, and then he stayed overnight in the room next door where we stayed before. Funny how distorted your mind can be. I remember that hallway being much longer, the light of the pump much bluer, and the distance from the bed to the bathroom much further. Well and a lot of other emotions resurfaced and distortions were revealed. Anesthesia. It messes you up. Well, it messes ME up. Ron did just fine. (Picture me sticking my tongue out in retaliation). No embarrassing "boob chants" from him. How very disappointing. But I carry no shame in saying I like being on this side of the surgical table for once. You evidently get donuts in the waiting room. Who knew?
It's quite life affirming how God brings you around. I won't lie to you. The last two, going on three, months have been ugly. On just about every level. The surgical timeline (having to get everything done for this house prior to that) put us in a funky place for sure, but still God completely showed up for us, For example, I simply do not miss my old house. That just seems impossible. Not only do we not miss it, we really don't even think about it. It simply has become just a piece of our past. It's not to say things are not chaotic in the here and now (they are!) and Satan surely has had a go at me in the process ( I won't relive those moments with you here as I now know the futility in doing such), but the big over all picture of relocating to here from our "forever home" has an over arching foundation of peace. Praises I tell you because I certainly did not predict that in foresight. I have another monument to point to when life gets troublesome. God calls, you respond, he provides peace. It's a simple as that. Peace doesn't always mean smooth sailing, as we can certainly attest to (boy, a doozie of a doozie in this house move and reno), but it does mean peace regardless of circumstance. Isn't that what we all hope to attain? Trust me, I still feel the sting and I still lose it when I see the new dings in my freshly painted walls, or pull back the vinyl to find muck, or see the rain falling 1 hour after I painted the back door, and on and on. But I still know the decision made to move was purposed for us.
If I have learned anything at all in this process it is this:
1) Circumstance matters, but perspective matters more.
2) Satan grabs you at full force when you are purposely seeking out God. It's as if he gets the memo and sends in every attack he can to make you falter.
3) Feeling peace trumps feeling happiness. And it's awesome when they both reside in your zip code.
4) There is always an end to chaos, even when you think it may never come.
5) Sleep can almost fix anything. Not sleeping can ruin almost anything.
6) I am capable of more than I ever thought possible and there is such a thing as mind/necessity over matter. I was a beast carrying boxes up the stairs. Yes, fibrosis girl got a magical sprinkle from God to conquer those stairs. That was unheard of a month ago. And now unheard of again. But it happened for those 20 days. (Modern day miracles still happen.)
7) Being transparent is difficult, particularly when it shows your vulnerability. But good things can come of it.
8) God knows what I need more than I know what I need.
9) People really do want to help you. Let them.
10) Go ahead, order take out. It just may be the thing that will get you to day #47.
My soul is slowly being restored after a doozie 3 months. And along with my soul, my faith moments are shattering my previous record. I would say that means it was well worth it. It certainly was. But that doesn't mean I want to do it again. So long. Farewell.
First Pulmonary appointment since my diagnosis is scheduled next week, Bring your running shoes. She promised us doing stairs. I haven't yet decided if I am going.
Romans 15:13: I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
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