I remember being perfectly "fine" while sleeping last night. I remember showering with considerable ease this morning. I distinctly remember successfully dressing myself, styling my hair, and grabbing breakfast and lunch for the day. I recall the drive into work being uneventful. But then I vivdly recall getting out of the car in the parking deck and things very suddenly not being ok. A very specific spot in my lower back (old injury while snow mobiling a few years back) felt on fire. I don't recall anything happening that morning to cause this. But somehow there it was, an awful undeniable nerve like pain in my lower back. Walking with any sort of dignity was out of the question, but I knew if I could get to my desk chair, I would at least be able to get some relief from movement. Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, elevator ride, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, Desk chair. Nope that was not going to work. The chair was actually worse than the movement. Standing up seemed to offer the most relief, which I did for as long as I could at a time throughout the day, but my stamina only allowed that for short bursts of time.
What in the world? I know I turned forty this year, but that didn't happen last night? I'm nestled into forty for several months now and my joints can prove it. Since surgery I'm restricted to sleeping on my back, and very recently added in my left side, but I have to be situated just so, and getting from back to side and back to back again carries it's own challenges. Could I have tweaked something during the night and it just took a few hours to declare itself? Could my reaching for the pen in the out-to-get me rolling desk chair yesterday and almost landing on the floor have resulted in a Big Ole Bucket of Ugliness (BOBU) and is just now having a delayed response? Could my back simply have decided to retaliate because it thought yesterday went just a little too good with my nine hours of very productive work output? Or does my back simply feel left out from the follies of the last 3 years and now quite selfishly decided to force its way into the game? Well Back, whatever your cause, my boob does not need any empathy (or competition) from you, and joining up teams has definitely put an unneeded kink in my day today. All day I felt home couldn't come soon enough and I am sad to admit I had my first set of tears today in over a week while trying to get home. The desk to the car just seemed too far of a distance to traverse and I couldn't hold it together. I think it was more out of frustration than pain though I am sure the latter impacted the former, but alas the dam broke and my eyelids failed to hold it back. Thankfully, I was alone in the elevator and no one else was the wiser. I got it together quickly and got to the car as quick as I could and made my way home to my trustworthy sofa where I have now duct taped myself for the rest of the evening in the only position I can find comfortable. Geez Louise.
So while the impostors are all dressed up, perky, refusing to be held back and ready to get on with this life despite being stitched, glued and steri-stripped, the back is now doing its best to hold me down. I'm hoping 2 boobs eager to get on the mend will outweigh one stubborn back who evidently felt left out and wanted part of the action. My money is on the boobs. They have a longer track record and have more than proven their fighting spirit. But I am happy to take your prayer coverage for this very specific item as it certainly has a hold on me right now and is turning my usual chipper demeanor into foul verbiage and troll-like expressions. You guys have done so well at praying me out of my boob predicaments, so here you go. Get to it! No delay!
A little golden nugget in my day that almost makes up for the recent predicaments - I was so pleased to run into a coworker who I did not know was following my story. She so very richly welcomed me back when we ran into each other in the hallway and told me how much she was enjoying seeing my posts pop up in her social media feed each day. What an unexpected source of genuine encouragement she was to me! Too often, when you share a rather sensitive journey publicly as I have done, people often read under the radar. They read your words, but many times are afraid to comment on the issue to you in public for fear of intruding or over stepping boundaries, so instead they remain silent. If only you guys knew how much support it gives me when I hear from you. You encourage me to keep advocating opening about a sensitive topic and you so very much enrich my journey.I am so grateful for for this sincere interaction today and now knowing she is pushing me along and has been for quite some time. It makes the road so much easier when I know I'm not traveling it alone. Plus it never hurts to get compliments when all I can picture is my Gollum-like appearance. Don't underestimate the power of genuine words from a female. Too often we leave them unsaid and dish out criticism in it's place. Not this gem, she filled me with sunshine exactly when I needed it.
Ok, I distracted you. I take the blame, but now seriously, get to it! No delay!
