Oct 12, 2012 - For the Record

And for the record: I've never felt more loved by the people around me as I have for the past 3 months. Thank you for impacting my life in such a positive way! My cup still runneth over.

Oct 12, 2012- Day # 65 - The Practical Saint

Oct 12:  Yesterday was my 4 year wedding anniversary. Ron and I had made plans to go out to dinner after work, but he wouldn't tell me when or where just to meet him at home. I had a late afternoon meeting at work and I got out a little later than normal, so all the way home I am panicking that I am going to be late. Of course, every car in the state of North Carolina lies between me and home this evening. It was like a barn yard of animals trying to get to the trough at feeding time. No matter what road I took I crawled about an inch an hour. I kept calling Ron to tell him to add 10 mins to my anticipated arrival time. He kept saying no worries, I built it cushion time. After a grueling knuckle gripping commute and 50 minutes later, I was home. I pull into the garage and notice a sheet of paper taped to the door leading in from the garage.

In said instructions:

· Enter the house and go straight to the master bedroom suite

· In the bathroom you will see I have drawn a bubble bath for you. Take all the time you need.

· When you finish with your bath, use the walkie talkie on the side of the tub to let me know you are finished. You will receive further instructions so stay put until I tell you otherwise.

· Dinner will follow your bath in the McCollum dining room.

· Dress code: causal PJs

· Happy anniversary

So I do as I am told and go straight to the bathroom where I find candles lit, bubbles in the tub, fresh flowers on the counter, and plates of crackers and cheese to tie me over. About 30 minutes later, I emerge from the tub, dress in my PJs (which makes me super excited), and use the walkie talkie to let him know I was finished with task #1. I'm then instructed to open the cards I find on the counter.

Contents:

· Sweet anniversary card

· Craigslist advertisement of Ron selling his motorcycle!!!!! He placed an ad that very morning. (Super happy as I am terrified of him riding it. Super super terrified. By the way, it sold today.)

After a few more minutes I get the "ok" to head to the dining room. I walk into the dining room to find an amazing table setting complete with more fresh flowers and a little white boxed placed in the center or my plate. I open this to find a beautiful new ring. You know a woman loves some accessories. I'm beaming from ear to ear. In comes Ron with salads to start, followed by filet mignon, bacon wrapped shrimp, gourmet mac and cheese, roasted garlic asparagus, and fresh sour dough bread. Put on some background music and talk about our day. There's nothing I adore more than dinner and conversation. We are both foodies, and I particularly love intentional conversation. So we sat and talked for quite a good bit. Follow that up with warm fresh baked cherry pie! After being stuffed to the core, we watched a movie and I became the happy recipient of a foot massage. I am an absolute sap for foot massages. I'm sad to report I fell asleep close to 9 pm out of sheer exhaustion from my work day, but what a fabulous evening and a ton of brownie points for my husband. You can check out Facebook for picture of the items described above. Don't think he was the only one shelling out items and I should be flogged. I did purchase him a round of golf much to his delight.

I tell this story not to flaunt the evening but because it speaks volumes to the heart of my husband. I've always ragged him a bit because he tends to fall on the side of "practical" which often pushes "romance" right out the window. Practical is a trait I crave in a mate, so it serves us well in everyday activities, but practical in the case of love can often result in missed opportunities. So I absolutely adore when Ron puts practical out the window instead. This was such an occasion. And I really needed that.

The last few months have left me feeling anything but romantic. In fact, I have felt so very far from that but by my own doing. It's difficult to factor in almost anything normal in life much less romance when you are struggling with the self-issues and physical limitations that often follow mastectomy. Everything in your day becomes a to-do list of drains, bandages, walks, appointments, exercises, and so on. And the exhaustion is so very powerful. You get caught in the everyday rut of healing. As a result, mastectomy can be a fast track to boring and a just-get-through-your-day mentality and understandably so. Women (and their spouses) have so much up against them that they have to be extremely purposeful to maintain any sense of normalcy in their lives during this recovery. The odds are stacked against them at every turn. Somehow, Ron and I fared extremely well mainly due to the amazingness of Ron. But I would be amiss if I didn't elude to the absolute need of being purposeful in your relationships as your traverse this territory. Life is already trying to break you on any given day, throw in a mastectomy and you have the perfect recipe for relationship disaster. I praise God that Ron and I recognized this early on and was able to focus on looking out for each other emotionally. He put me first, and I put me first too! Smile. Actually, he put me first and I did everything I could to look out for both of us. I can't imagine tackling this journey without a solid marriage in tow. So much of this story has been focused on me and my struggles and triumphs, but boy an equally incredible story lies with the spouses behind the patient. I wish I could talk him into to posting about his journey in this blog, but writing anything longer than his signature just about throws him into convulsions. He just detests it. (And maybe that is why he chose engineering). It's not lost on me though how intense this whole event has been for him. The emotions of worrying did we make the right decision, did we think every through, sitting through 5 hours of surgery - twice, suffering through my inconsolable sobs, supporting me when nothing made sense to me, the long hours of caregiving, lack of sleep, continuing to work only to come home to more work here. The list goes on and on. And yet, he stood by it all and came through with flying colors. It most certainly is a testament to his God-centered life and his commitment to marriage. He's a saint. And that is why he is so easy to love. And why we are stronger on the other side for it.

It's been 4 years- such a short time in the span of marriages- but it's been a four year span of incredible. And because of our commitment to each other and those 4 years, this mastectomy became just another relationship building notch on our marriage story. Of note, in those 4 years, I've had 4 major surgeries - left knee, right knee, both boobs off, and both boobs back on. I told you he was a saint.

(By the way, I got permission to post this story although I am sure he would embarrassed beyond words if you mentioned it in person).