Aug 16, 2012 - Day # 9 - Scared to peek

Day #9: I'm having a run of the mill, average, low key, boring, nothing on the radar, wondering what I can get in to kind of day. And I'm loving every minute of it!

I can not even begin tho tell you how different today has been from the 8 other days that created so much chaos. Ever since having these drains pulled, i am a different woman. I don't even think i can rate the pain higher than a 2/10. Seriously, if that even possible?!?!? And I am pleased beyond measure with that rating. I even enjoyed a long afternoon visit with a kindred spirit. Now don't get me wrong, there are moments scattered here and there where some pain creeps in, but as a general rule "pain" has been pushed off the podium and replaced by discomfort. God hears you're prayers. I'm living proof. I didn't even need significant pain medicine. Three shout outs to normal days.

I survived my first night without the surgical vest. I survived the first day without the surgical vest. Mainly because i live in a mental state of denial about what is there, but hey, you do what you have to do. And this is only for four more days!!! I can do anything for four days! Again, I would not be bothered in the least if my best friend were in my shoes and see needed my help caring for her wounds. In fact, she would be beautiful in my eyes in every way. More so because of her braveness. It's just my scars that give me trouble.

I was thinking more about that last night when I was lying in my bed throne. Of note, I only needed four pillows. There are hundreds of women all over this planet who go through mastectomy surgery and choose to have delayed reconstruction or no reconstruction at all. These women are the true heroes. To be able to embrace life as it comes. Embrace scars and memories and move forward with every upcoming day. Sure they may kick and squall for a few days at the newness of it all, but I wonder if they struggle with it as much as I do. I imagine not. And many of these women have a much tougher battle ahead in their journey than my four days of waiting. I shan't even begin to compare myself to them. I'm ashamed I've done so at any point in time. My journey is unique. My journey is my own. My journey is doable on every level. And my emotions come and go. Today is a great day! My tank top is stylish....and I look like I lost 10 pounds (silver lining). I have no problem going in public. I have no worries about how others view me. I'm blessed in that. But I still don't want to take a peak myself, so I just don't do it. It's a win/win! Four more days and we get to start the second half of this journey. Bring it! I'm confident. I'm encouraged. I'm focused. And i have all of you supporting me. What more does a gal need? (and I'm choosing not to let the new drains intimidate me. Yet)

So, not much to post today. It's been a run of the mill low key day. A nap, a walk, a visit, and I hope soon a netflix movie. Oh yeah, and soon to be my very first shower. That could be a little sketchy so you might want to shift your prayers to Ron and my mom. Not sure what emotions are in store for me. They could have a rough evening ahead. Pull out the helmet, pull out the armor. More likely, just pull out the Kleenex.

Raising a glass to low key.