November 28, 2018 - And I hope to NEVER see any of you again!

I had scanned the 12+ training sessions trying to find one that was going to fit into my schedule, around meetings, on a day of the week I could get across campus and back in a time, that would sandwich into the rest of the day’s expectations. That one wouldn’t work because I had a meeting immediately after the end time that wouldn’t allow a quick enough return. And that one wouldn’t work because of the overlap with the other meeting. That one wouldn’t work because on the start time. GRRR! This was a horrible week to try to fit something in! Wednesday at noon was just going to have to work so I slapped it on my calendar and called it done. However, when Wednesday finally rolled around over a month later, I was slammed unexpectedly with a project deadline so I quickly went back to the scheduling system to see if I could reschedule. Yep, multiple classes later in the week still had vacancies, but the disclaimer at the bottom read “if you need to make modifications, please call 555-5555 for more information.” Pick up the phone…..”thank you for calling, blah, blah, blah, blah” Voicemail x 3. Ok, forget it, Sally, go to this class and come back afterwards and plan on staying late to work on the time sensitive project you are leaving on your desk.  I gathered my stuff together begrudgingly, swiftly walked across campus because I pushed my time too much, and headed into the building where I was instructed to get into a line according to last name. There, I was randomly handed a letter card instructing me which classroom to head to so that each class room would contain the same number of students and off I went.

As I was late, the room was practically full with only 3 seats left so I picked the one closest to the front, but on the far side of the room next to the wall as it felt more “out of the way” and incognito. Most of you don’t know this about me, but there is nothing I hate more than walking into a room of strangers (or even a room where I know every single person). I’m fine about 15 minutes after I get there, but the first 15 minutes leave me in turmoil as I internally feel like the small marshmallow trying to find my spot in the overcrowded hot cocoa cup. All I could think about was crossing the front of the room and getting to my chair since I could tell the class was about to start up.

The room was set up with about 10 rectangle tables, 4-6 people at each, so we were all facing each other at each table. I very quickly leaned down to place my bag under my chair and grab the book and paper out of it and then did a quick scan of the room to see if I could find a kindred spirit I knew, but as I knew I would at an institution this large, I knew no one….until the voice in the chair directly across the table from me said….

 “Hey, I think I know you from somewhere….”

I looked up and across the table expecting to see a former coworker who I somehow didn’t see in my initial scan but then I realized I recognize absolutely nothing. She was summer blond with her hair pulled back, and she sported a grin that covered her entire face. Equally as welcoming was the southern accent she spilled out of the grin. She was wearing the required nursing ensemble so I at least knew her occupation, but still, there was no recognition from what I was seeing at first glance.

“Ok, let’s see if we can figure this out” I said.

I asked a few questions: Where did you go to high school? College? Church? None of which shed any light on how she might have recognized me.

Then she, being smarter than I started with the more obvious of questions: Which department do you work for? What do you do? How long have you worked here? All of which I answered and that still shed no light.

Then, with the swiftness of a tsunami wave crashing over land, she says “Oh my goodness, I think I did your cardiac echo last Spring!!!!” Now at that moment the 3 other people sitting at the table turn and look at her like she has lost her mind (I later find our they are her colleagues), and I immediately get this rush of facial recognition, and holy moly you have got to be kidding me, and a little I want to fly out of the room and into a hole, all rolled into one. Without hesitation her colleague looks over and says “Jackie (as we will call her), you do like 12 echocardiograms a day and this was back in May, how in the world do you remember her?” Jackie and I just looked at each other and start laughing.

Now, I’m about to divulge to you one of my most humiliating moments. I might should have done it before now for the sake of full disclosure in the things that may take place when you are post radiation and post mastectomy/reconstruction (you need to be both for this all to unfold). But at the time, I just wanted it done with and writing has been a bit elusive for me for a bit since my brother’s death. But in light of Post #1 of the trilogy (See “Cheese, Anyone?” post from earlier this week) and God most certainly pointing out to me the role of “his timing” as this trilogy has all happened in about a 3 week time span, I am aware sometimes you put your humility aside when God is most apparently putting something on your plate. So I am putting my big girl pants on and putting some of this story out there for you.

Back in April and May, I realized it was time (well about 10 years past time) for me to start initiating some of my cardiology workup. When you had exposure to as much chest and abdomen radiation as I had, you are at higher risk for cardiac complications (valvular fibrosis, autonomic dysfunction, etc.). I had already started the pulmonary workup 2 years prior because of my pulmonary issues, but had neglected doing my full cardiac workup that was recommended for this time point post radiation. So I decided it was finally time to get going with it all. I scheduled an appointment with the oncologic cardiac guru, who in turn wanted to do a stress Echo and ultrasound. Now before you sit there and think to yourself “hey, I have had a stress echo”, well I am sure you have. And before you think to yourself “hey, I have had a stress cardiac ultrasound”, well I am sure you have. But have you combined the two and also been a mastectomy reconstruction patient? This is where the humility all comes to play. Sit back, grab your popcorn and cocoa, and let me help you picture this.

I arrive to the hospital for my appointment where I was scheduled for the 30 minute procedure. I go in, get registered and sit in the waiting room for only a few short minutes before the most delightful cardiac technician who was a summer blond with her hair pulled back, sporting a grin that covered her entire face, called out my name using a equally as welcoming southern accent that spilled out of the grin (Sound familiar to you?). We walk down a long hallway to a super dark private room that holds a very cold looking exam table, a high tech tread mill, an ultrasound machine, a blood pressure machine, and some extra gadgets I don’t recall now, and then “Jackie” very kindly asks me to disrobe from the waist up (what????) while she runs out to get something. Well since she asks me so nicely….Then Jackie is back in in no time flat and starts asking me a few (a whole heck of a lot) of questions about my medical history all while she attaches electrodes all over my chest. At the end of this, I am clothed from the waist down, Necked (naked) from the waist up, covered with sticky patches and cords everywhere which all lead back to an EKG machine next to me. I was allowed to put on a “gown” to maintain my dignity (but it has to stay open in the front; so I ask myself what’s the point) because Sally is about to run on a treadmill. Are you picturing this? Running on a treadmill, necked, covered in all this stuff, all while wearing a blood pressure cuff to monitor my blood pressure response to what is happening (oh, I can promise it is up because I am about to run Necked from the waist up, on a treadmill). In comes another Nurse, we will call “Heather” to take baseline vitals, which no doubt are all kinds of out of whack because Sally is about to do what? Run necked on a treadmill covered in cords.  (Sally switches to third person because that is the only way Sally can get through this story).

Ok, next comes the “trial ultrasound” before Sally gets on the treadmill to see what is baseline for the heart function. Well low and below, because Sally has implants, the ultrasound can’t see Sally’s heart because the implants are in the way creating a “blackout”. So Jackie calls out to get “Sylvia” as we will call her to place an IV line, so she can inject an “IV dye” which will highlight the heart silhouette better so everyone can maybe see Sally’s heart.

So there is Sally, And Jackie, And Sylvia, (and Heather? Where is Heather?) all gathered around the ultrasound machine trying to see Sally’s heart around her implants before Sally gets on the treadmill….necked. No luck. Still can’t see the heart.

“Hey Sally, I really hate to ask you this, but do you think you could hold up your implant a little bit so I could maybe put the probe under it?”  

“Well of course, Jackie, I can do that!” - at which put Sally busts out laughing because what else can Sally do and all of a sudden there is a tiny view of Sally’s heart on the screen.

“Sally, do that again!”

“Do what again?”

“Laugh”

“Laugh????”

“Yes, Laugh!”

So now Sally has to hold up her implant and laugh so that her implant it out of the way and her heart is pushed up against her chest wall (this happens during laughter) all after (and while?) running necked on a treadmill.

And THAT is what we do. Sally gets on the treadmill, and does her required stress test wearing a blood pressure cuff while necked from the waist up on the treadmill with 3 other people in the room. Flies back to the exam table at lightning speed. Sylvia injects IV contrast. Sally rolls over on her left side and lifts up her implant and laughs on command while Jackie places the probe in various positions, Sally continues to laugh on command, and Jackie continues to take heart pictures, and Sally is mortified all while envisioning sugar plums dancing in her head. But everyone makes the best of it, joking about the hilarity of it all, and become fast a furious friends despite the calamity.

(Are you starting to see maybe why Jackie remembered Sally out hundreds of patients 5 months later?)
Now let me say, you could not have asked for a better Jackie and Sylvia and Heather in all of this. They were professional, wonderful, incredible, and cut up with me because that is how I roll to get through this kind of stuff. Sometimes not only do you have to put you big pants on to write stuff down in a form of advocacy, sometime you have to put your big pants on just to get through it at all.

Finally, after what I’m remembering to be a 2 hour appointment, after what should have been 30 minutes, I gather my sanity about me, hug their necks, and say “I hope to NEVER see any of you again.”

And instead, what do I do? I sign up for a class of which there were like 12 time slots to choose from, and get assigned to a classroom of which there were like 6 I could have “randomly” been assigned to, and sit in a chair in which there were 50+ everyone else got to pick from, across from Jackie who told me to run necked on a treadmill, hold up my implant, and laugh.

I’m quickly learning that “hey, I think I know you from somewhere….” means God is about to do something only he can do in His timing. There isn’t a single moment in your day, particularly if another person is in your presence, where if you are a Christ follower, that God hasn’t purposely placed you there for that specific moment. There was so much that had to come together for me and Jackie to end up in those chairs together. I can’t tell you how many people take those classes over how many days in how many classrooms over how many times a year. And how many technicians could have been assigned to my Echo case on that given day? God knew exactly what he was doing. And he knew I needed both Jackie, and Sylvia (who also had a double mastectomy with reconstruction with the exact same breast surgeon “LPS” as we discovered in my Echo session – tell me that was a coincidence), and Heather for the care and humor they would bring in one of my worst of humiliating moments. I remember lying on that table thinking, what would this be like had I had anyone else in that room other than these wonderful gals who made the best of it with me?! I don’t know that meant I needed to run into them again in a public setting per se, but God knew exactly what he was doing in that as well for in that came a lesson in trust for me. Trust God and his timing. I’m having some cardiac stuff going on right now. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jackie and I meet again soon in her cardiac room. I didn’t know that when we were in the training course together, but now I know her name (I had forgotten it) and can ask for her if I need to. The reasons are numerous as to why God may have purposed our paths to meet. I’m trusting his timing and he is drilling that in to me right now. 

You do that too, for I am learning in doing that, He has incredible in store for you too.


(This above was the first story of my trilogy, although they are being told out of order. When this first encounter happened, it didn’t quite have my attention until after the second Boutique story which you soon will hear.)




To see the first post in this trilogy click here (Cheese, Anyone?)


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